My Purpose

I will be 60 years old in 2012. I have a wonderful husband and 2 children who are still young (12 & 7) who need me. I desire to see then grow up. I desire for them to have a mom. I desire to live.  I pray daily for God to give me HIS wisdom and not my own whims on how to eat and live for my health. I pray that He may show others through me , that regaining your health at an older age is not an impossible feat. I pray for GRACE and MERCY.
For most of my life, I have been sedentary. Some folk have me labeled as just plain lazy.  It is far from that, I just don't have the energy most of the time. I think even in child hood, I was not one to play a lot and do sports. It is just a feeling I cannot explain to you.
My eating habits have never been great and I love the carbs, fast foods and sugar stuff. I had blood sugar problems since before I was 16, but we did not know it till years later as we moved and never talked to the doctor.
I was 28 yrs old when my ex and I applied for life insurance and the insurance co. said I had to have a physical due to some report in a medical bureau . So, that is when I found I was seriously diabetic with ketones and protein spilling into my urine.
I started insulin, but somehow looking back on it, I got pushed through the cracks and really was not educated like I should have been.
So, I spent years not controlling myself and eating recklessness, etc.
And then a few years ago, my eyes started to open up to the ravages of diet and healthy activity. Only, it comes on in spurts and of course I revert back to what is comfy in foods..
Over the past couple of years is when I became obsessed with worries over my own health. I was told years ago, I had the beginnings of kidney disease and of course, since I was told many years ago I had a 'fatty ' liver, I worry about that also. Many things I learned about the wonders of the liver through my husband's illness. I also know the liver can regenerate itself. Whether I have cirrhosis or not, I do not want to know. I am standing on my faith that I will be whole.
Adopting my autistic son has really opened my eyes and then getting my beautiful daughter. I have always wanted a daughter. She is the one who has been encouraging me in ways she does not know. She knows mama is 'fat' and she knows I am on a diet and she knows I want to jump and play with her. She takes her skinny arms and slender fingers and puts one on each hip of hers and then comes to me with her arms apart as wide as she is and puts them in front of me and says "Mama, you only have this far to go." It is so precious.
Then there is my boy who not that long ago said "I love you" and is totally attached to me at the hip. I look at him in his innocence and his understanding of a toddler and wonder what will happen to him if I die now.
I must see him into adulthood.."Please God, hear my plea and help me."
The best I have felt in this journey so far is when I detoxed and have done green smoothies.  I have many obstacles to overcome and as of now, I am confident I can do this. I won't say I will not slip. If I do, I will just have to get up again and carry on.
Please, If you are also in my position, do not give up hope that YOU can do it also.
My journey is not one of just less numbers on the scale, but one of feeling well and healthy. ..
I hope you follow me on this journey and see where it ends.